I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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