We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
How external is "for external use only"?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize