What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
