he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
