The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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