The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
