My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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