But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize