I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
