I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
