So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
