8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
