Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
