Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
