dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
