He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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