Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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