Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Come on in and take your pants off
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