it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
love makes seman taste better
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
