I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
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