she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
