The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
