its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Drunk walkin through police station. America
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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