last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
