this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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