Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Dignity is for republicans.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
