dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize