I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
