somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
