Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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