foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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