just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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