I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
