And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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