some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
