Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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