the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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