he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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