Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Four minutes until I can fart!
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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