This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
