Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
