i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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