Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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