ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
