I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm both gender and math confused
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
