Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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