I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
