his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize