You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
