I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
