my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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