awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
