her vagina looked like bernie madoff
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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