the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
