So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
