im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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