meet me or not, i'm out of control
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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