I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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