I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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