We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
