i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
