Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
