butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
