i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
