I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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