Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize