Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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