Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
