Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
