I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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