State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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