I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
