I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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