I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
